Now that I am nearing 33 weeks, my doctor has ordered that I be seen twice a week at the hospital Labor & Delivery for a Non-Stress Test (NST) and Amniotic Fluid Index (AFI) in addition to the appointments I've been going to every two weeks. I'll be seeing three different doctors so often over the next 3-4 weeks until these babies come!

Me and my big stretch-marked belly at my first non-stress test :)

The two blue monitors measure each baby's heartbeat for about 20 minutes to make sure that their heart rates increase during movement rather than decrease. The third monitor tucked under the top strap measures any contractions I may have. 

What we learned is that Baby B's heart rate is consistently higher than Baby A's. Also, while I may not have any full-blown contractions, my uterus still experiences what the doctor called "irritability" which are subtle compressions. 

During the AFI, which is an ultrasound that measures the amniotic fluid levels around the babies, we learned that Baby B also has more fluid surrounding her. While Baby A weighs more, she has less fluid and a lower heart rate. 

We are glad that the twins are being watched so closely, although this is an overload of doctor visits! But all the monitoring is really a huge blessing in case anything goes wrong and one of the babies (or both) experiences any distress. We are very grateful!

Terrified.

Sometimes, I get terrified. As horrible as that sounds, I really do have nights where I just break down in front of Kurt and tell him, "I'm scared."

Sometimes, I'm scared to have twins.

I'm afraid I'll mix them up as babies and they'll live their whole entire lives as the other person because of my mistake.

I'm scared of all the faces of strangers turning in anger towards the mother who can't control her two screaming babies during Church, or on a plane, or at the store.

I'm scared that I'll favor one over the other or say something hurtful like, "Why can't you be more like your sister?"

I'm scared that I'll involuntarily fall into a bout of Postpartum Depression after they are born.

I'm scared that I won't be able to breastfeed them, or that they will reject me and only take formula or only let other people feed them.

I'm afraid that they will always be "the twins" or "the girls" and never have their own identities.

I'm afraid that when the nurses place my two beautiful girls in my arms after they are born I will look at their fragile bodies and think, "Someone else hold them. I don't know what I'm doing. Please, someone. Anyone."

Most of all, I'm scared that I won't be able to handle being the mother of twins. I'm afraid that I'll just stand there helpless most of the time, amidst two bawling babies, saying to them, "I'm so sorry. I just... can't."

But I know, without a doubt, that Heavenly Father wouldn't have blessed us with twins if we couldn't handle it. If I couldn't handle it. I'll make mistakes, I'll feel terrible, I'll say things I don't mean, I'll stumble on my journey through motherhood and struggle to hold back tears at times, but I know I can do it. I know that it is the biggest privilege, biggest responsibility, biggest trial and biggest blessing I've ever been given.

On the airplane after coming back from my 32 week appointment :)

I know I have a wonderful husband to lean on when I feel weak, and a great family to help me when I need it. I know I have a loving Heavenly Father that will strengthen me as I travel down this new, unfamiliar road.

Thirty, Flirty, & Thriving.

As the 13 Going On 30 reference may suggest, I have finally made it past the 30 week mark of this pregnancy! I'm currently in my 31st week and I feel great! According to my last appointment, the babies are a little over 3.5 pounds each giving them a combined weight of over 7 pounds! That is a normal-sized baby right there, so it's no wonder I look as though I'm about to go into labor at any second. I have also gained 5 pounds of my own weight in the last month, which I'm pretty proud of. Total, I have gained 25 pounds since being pregnant with these twins, and that's not bad!

In other news, Kurt and I have decided to schedule a C-section in late March (around 37 weeks) since it is the safest option for this type of twin pregnancy. Natural birth comes with lots of complications when two babies are linked by one placenta, so we feel this is the best route for us.

We are really excited for what the coming six weeks have in store! We can't wait until these baby girls are finally here!

Here are some of my weekly pictures from the last ten weeks:

Breaking Free.

The girls have become SO incredibly strong! They are constantly moving, stretching, and kicking. I think they want out. But they have to wait just a little while more! :)

Almost every time I look down, I have a lopsided belly.

These girls are constantly testing their newly formed bodies :) They love to dance around when music is playing or when we try talking to them. Their movements haven't gotten too painful for me, which is great. Every so often I feel a foot in my ribs but they just wiggle their way out and it's not too bad.

Sleeping has also been wonderful. I usually wake up once throughout the night to get a drink of water or take a bathroom trip, but I fall right back to sleep afterwards. Honestly, I probably had a worst night's sleep before being pregnant. :)

All I know is that my life is so much better with these wonderful babies in it. I love watching them wiggle and dance inside of me.