Three Traps to Avoid As a Twin Mom.

As mothers in general, we have tendencies to do things based on convenience, impatience, exhaustion -- you name it. As mothers of twins, those tendencies are doubled. We neglect very important things because of this. Based on my own experience, I have come up with three traps that we should be vigilant of as twin moms and try to avoid.

1) Don't forget to spend one-on-one time with your kids. This is probably one of the biggest traps twin moms fall into. Even with just the twins, I have been guilty of putting them in their exersaucers and just letting them play and I'm sure it's even more difficult with other children in addition to the twins. But it is so important, even simply on a psychological and developmental level, for our kids to have one-on-one time with their mom. Try to find times during the day to set aside the dishes, stop doing laundry, or pause on making dinner to hold your babies individually. Snuggle with them, tickle them and just observe them and breathe them in. They need to know that you are not just the maid, you're not just the cook - but you're their mom too. Those other things can afford to be neglected, but your children can't.

2) Don't neglect your husband. Before kids, you were head over heels for him. Now that you have kids that shouldn't change. Get that schedule down so your babies can sleep through the night (click here for advice on Sleep Training) so that you can have an uninterrupted night with your hubby. I firmly believe in putting your spouse before your children. You may think that its better to put your children first, but they need to see how a healthy marriage works and that means putting him first. Kiss him as he leaves in the morning, and when he walks through the door yell, "Daddy's home!" and kiss him again. You are benefiting your kids a lot more than you know by loving their daddy and showing it.

3) Don't forget about yourself! We often think of ourselves last, or even not at all, when we assess the needs of the family. But if you are going to do this twin mom thing, you need some "Sanity Time". My Sanity Time consists of craft time, going to Zumba and Hot Hula classes, writing on this blog, and having a Girl's night with friends every once in a while. Find time during the day to do something just for you. Set up a time with your husband so he can watch the kids while you take a break even if its just for an hour. If you have other mommy friends, have them do the same thing and have a girls' night together! It's really one of the most important things you can do as a mom - you NEED a break!

Now that you know, from another twin mom, traps that you can expect along your journey - avoid them at all costs! Don't neglect individual time with your kids, your husband, or yourself! Doing these things will make being a Twin Mom easier, I promise!

Five Things Moms of Multiples Don't Want To Hear.

For moms of multiples, triplets, or more - our babies are a spectacle. They draw attention wherever we go. Honestly, I love the attention! I think my girls are pretty dang adorable, and love those who tell me they're adorable too! But sometimes, there is unwanted attention. Snide comments that make me feel inadequate, defensive, or worse.

Here are some things that you should never tell a mom of multiples:

1) Please don't say, "I'm glad the twin curse that runs in my family skipped over me!" This is probably the worse one I've heard personally. Someone said it while I was pregnant with twins and it crushed me. I was ecstatic about being pregnant with twins and when I heard this, I felt like they were pitying me for having twins even though I was feeling incredibly blessed. If you do feel this way, keep it to yourself.

2) Don't say, "I don't care which is which. They're the same to me." We, as moms, know how very different our babies are. When you don't take the time to even feign interest in knowing who they are I, honestly, don't want you around them. I want them to be surrounded by people who will appreciate them as individuals and encourage their individuality.

3) Please don't tell us, "I don't know how you do it!" This is the comment I hear most often. I understand that it usually comes with the best of intentions, and is meant to be complimentary. But to me, it makes me feel inadequate. I'm struggling, just like any other mom. I don't know if I am actually "doing it." Being a mom of twins means sacrificing a lot of things other moms do for their singleton babies. I don't get to hold my babies nearly as much since there are two of them. I couldn't breastfeed them for as long as I wanted to since I stopped producing enough to feed both babies. I don't get to dress them up in expensive clothes that I can't afford two of. I spend less one-on-one time with them. Sometimes, I consider the day a success knowing they both are still alive and breathing. Please don't remind me of all the things I can't do for my two babies - all the things they may be missing out on because there are two of them.

4) Another mom of twins with older children told me that she hates when people say, "Oh you brought the TWINS!" and ignore their other children.  Again, we love the attention our adorable twins get, but it shouldn't come at the expense of our other kids. Sadly enough, this comment came from her mom. Especially coming from a grandma, these comments can really hurt the other kids. So please, just think before you speak.

5) One of the most hurtful comments I've heard is, "Are they natural?!" Yes, my twins were conceived without fertility treatments but I have a lot of other friends who have twins that did use IVF or Clomid. They shouldn't have to be reminded of all the hardships they went through to get those precious babies every time they are introduced to someone new. I was asked this by my doctor and even then I was like, Mind your own business, man. Why does it even matter? They are twins, and that is awesome.

While these are some of the things that Moms of multiples don't want to hear, here are some of things that we love hearing:

1) Oh my gosh! Your babies are adorable!

2) You're such an awesome mama! Good job!

3) Your babies make me want to have twins too!

4) You sure do make adorable babies!

5) Wow, I can't believe they were both inside you! Way to go, mama!

So next time you see a mom with twins, or triplets, or MORE (whew!) tell her one of these uplifting things and make her day!

The Breastfeeding Debate.

Breastfeeding is one of the most controversial topics for new mothers. I struggled for a long time with this debate and all the guilt associated with not breastfeeding.

I fed my girls (from the breast) for just a matter of weeks.

After getting diagnosed with my heart condition and being separated from the girls for four days shortly after their birth, they were already used to the bottle. When I would try to breastfeed them, they would scream and I'd spend an hour trying to calm them down so we could try again. When you have to do that times two it is just EXHAUSTING. I went to WIC and talked to the lactation specialist who was The Ultimate Guilt-Tripper. She told me to spend an hour with each baby (separately) in order to get them used to the breast. They were eating every two hours so that meant breastfeeding 24/7. Um, heck no.

When I told her I wanted to pump exclusively, it was like I was giving up. It's like breast milk from a bottle doesn't count or something. Anyways, I decided to pump exclusively and did successfully for about 2 months. The lasix I was given for my heart drained all the water out of me every time I took it, and subsequently "dried me up". I was supplementing with formula and the ratio of formula to breast milk kept increasing until it was mostly formula. Kurt would remind me throughout the day, "Oh baby, you need to go pump." I was exhausted, I knew pumping would give me only an ounce if that and we'd just be using formula anyways. I think I took a lot of my frustrations out on Kurt. To me, it felt like I was being forced to pump. It was a touchy topic in our marriage for a few weeks. We talked about it and decided that it was best for both the girls and I if we just stuck to formula and Kurt supported me 100%. By the time we moved to Utah when the girls were 3 1/2 months they just drank formula and have ever since.

But I have felt other moms (especially other moms of twins) express their judgement for those moms who choose to formula feed their babies. So much guilt is associated with formula. I hate it. It needs to stop.

Something needs to be understood:
- All moms want to breastfeed, but not all are able to. Deal with it. 
- After the baby is 6 months old, there are no additional health benefits to breastmilk vs. formula 
- Everyone has their own story (just like me) and we all want to choose what is best for our family
- Stop judging! Why do women antagonize other women? We're all mothers. We all want the best for our kids, right? You can choose what is best for your child, let me choose what is best for mine. Can we still be friends? 

If you are a young mother struggling with breastfeeding and are losing your sanity, don't feel obligated to continue trying to feed your baby from the breast based on guilt. Don't feel the need to explain your decision to every other mom you meet. You don't need to. This woman's post really resonated with me. She had breast cancer, had to have a double mastectomy, and people judged her because she was formula feeding. Some people still judged her even after she said why she can't breastfeed. Geez, people, LAY OFF!

If you're a husband and you see your wife struggling with breastfeeding, support her. Encourage her, but don't make her feel guilty if she wants to formula feed. She is trying her best, so don't force her. You honestly, literally have no idea what it's like.

For those people who feel uncomfortable around breastfeeding women, you need to stop your judging too.

I love this article because it promotes the idea that we need to stop referring to it as "breastfeeding" but rather just "feeding". We're not feeding a breast are we? No. We're feeding a baby. Women shouldn't need to cover up to feed their baby whether it's from a bottle or a breast. If she wants to (which I did when I breastfed) then that's great. But she doesn't need to. If you think it's sexual or something weird like that, it's because you're making it that way. Breasts are first and foremost for feeding babies. Let's remember that.

Sorry to be preaching from on top of a soapbox, but I feel that this topic is extremely prevalent among mothers. It's really sad that women put down other women in mothering their children when there are so many other things going against womanhood/motherhood already.

Lastly, to all mothers: You are great! You are wonderful, and no one knows what is best for your child except you.