The "Cry It Out" Method.

Many moms judge me when I say that I let my babies "cry it out." I started letting them cry it out around six months old, because it was around that age that they stopped just getting exhausted, laying their head down and falling asleep.

I would be up for hours, and so would my husband, as we'd try desperately to rock two babies to sleep. Then we got to the point where we just put them in their cribs, crying and screaming at the top of their lungs, and shut the door. After ten minutes or so, they were fast asleep.

Yes, it is heart-wrenching to hear your babies cry until their voice gets hoarse. I hate it. But for me, a mom of twins, sometimes its the only way they can fall asleep. We try to set a time limit of ten minutes of letting them cry it out, and then we'd check on them, put pacifiers in, etc.

Crying is, for me, the best way to drain all of my energy and I know it is for my babies as well. It doesn't hurt them as long as you keep the crying to a time limit and, for me, is much safer than resorting to co-sleeping to get your babies to fall asleep.

So, just know, you will find no judgement here for using the CIO method. You'll just find empathy and support.

"Are My Babies Behind?"

I know that this question has definitely run through my mind several times. I'm sure as twin moms, we ask ourselves this frequently especially since, odds are, our babies were at least a little premature. And on top of that, there's two of them so trying to get them to sit still while you read a book or sing a song and teach them is near impossible.

Aria & Cadence are the cutest. But they only started tummy crawling at eight months. Some of their friends who are younger than them are already using push walkers, pulling themselves up to stand, or even walking. They have been saying "mama" since they were seven months, but only recently learned "dada" and that's the only two words they know! Ugh, is it true? Are they behind?

I think we, as twin moms, always feel the need to compensate for, well, a lot of things. We gave birth to them a little early so they started off really small and had to develop certain things outside of the womb that other babies their age were born with. We don't get the one on one time with our babies that other moms with singletons get. I can be trying to help Aria to stand, and Cadence will get jealous and scream her guts out, so I stop and help her. On top of that, our babies learn at different paces. So while one may be standing, the other one may be just starting to crawl. Should you applaud both efforts? Of course!

It's not important whether they are doing what their friends are doing, or even what each other is doing, as long as YOU are there to support them in all of their accomplishments, however little they may be.

Aria and Cadence may not be crawling on their hands and knees yet, or walking along the couch, but they have eight teeth, they both love giving kisses, they eat absolutely everything, and they sleep for twelve hours at night.

The truth is, everyone's baby is behind. The baby that is walking at your play date could be keeping his mom and dad up and eating three times throughout the night. The baby that is saying "ball" could be still exclusively on breastmilk and not eating solids yet.

Constantly comparing your babies to other babies and to each other is not fair to anyone.

Keep working with them. Celebrate when they figure out something new. Share in their excitement as they discover themselves. With your support and love they are, most definitely, ahead.

Three Traps to Avoid As a Twin Mom.

As mothers in general, we have tendencies to do things based on convenience, impatience, exhaustion -- you name it. As mothers of twins, those tendencies are doubled. We neglect very important things because of this. Based on my own experience, I have come up with three traps that we should be vigilant of as twin moms and try to avoid.

1) Don't forget to spend one-on-one time with your kids. This is probably one of the biggest traps twin moms fall into. Even with just the twins, I have been guilty of putting them in their exersaucers and just letting them play and I'm sure it's even more difficult with other children in addition to the twins. But it is so important, even simply on a psychological and developmental level, for our kids to have one-on-one time with their mom. Try to find times during the day to set aside the dishes, stop doing laundry, or pause on making dinner to hold your babies individually. Snuggle with them, tickle them and just observe them and breathe them in. They need to know that you are not just the maid, you're not just the cook - but you're their mom too. Those other things can afford to be neglected, but your children can't.

2) Don't neglect your husband. Before kids, you were head over heels for him. Now that you have kids that shouldn't change. Get that schedule down so your babies can sleep through the night (click here for advice on Sleep Training) so that you can have an uninterrupted night with your hubby. I firmly believe in putting your spouse before your children. You may think that its better to put your children first, but they need to see how a healthy marriage works and that means putting him first. Kiss him as he leaves in the morning, and when he walks through the door yell, "Daddy's home!" and kiss him again. You are benefiting your kids a lot more than you know by loving their daddy and showing it.

3) Don't forget about yourself! We often think of ourselves last, or even not at all, when we assess the needs of the family. But if you are going to do this twin mom thing, you need some "Sanity Time". My Sanity Time consists of craft time, going to Zumba and Hot Hula classes, writing on this blog, and having a Girl's night with friends every once in a while. Find time during the day to do something just for you. Set up a time with your husband so he can watch the kids while you take a break even if its just for an hour. If you have other mommy friends, have them do the same thing and have a girls' night together! It's really one of the most important things you can do as a mom - you NEED a break!

Now that you know, from another twin mom, traps that you can expect along your journey - avoid them at all costs! Don't neglect individual time with your kids, your husband, or yourself! Doing these things will make being a Twin Mom easier, I promise!

Traveling With Twins Under Two.

Most singleton moms dread flying on an airplane with their babies. Us twin moms? NIGHTMARE. Just this past year in 2014 Kurt and I took our twin babies from Hawai'i to Utah (that's a six hour flight, layover, then another two hour flight) and from Utah to Seattle and back (2 two hour flights). So we have had lots of experience in traveling with our twin babies. All of this advice is geared toward twins but a lot of it applies to traveling with babies in general!

First thing's first: if you're going on a long flight (like to Hawai'i) try to get a red-eye if possible. The girls slept right through everything which was a huge blessing! But if you can't, here are some tips to help get you through it:

1) Always fly with another adult. I can't stress this enough. You need help. So if your husband can't travel, bring your mom or sister. If no one can, then don't travel. Unfortunately, each airplane only allows one infant per row because each row is only equipped with one infant oxygen mask. If you bring two infants, and put one in the car seat and carry the other... then one will have to be in a different row next to a complete stranger. I couldn't do that. You shouldn't either.

This rule also means that you and your husband (or other traveling partner) can't sit next to each other. Not even across the aisle. It SUCKS, I know! So I suggest both getting aisle seats directly in front/behind one another. 

2) Use baby carriers to get through security and once you get on your flight. Using a baby carrier frees up your hands which you will need if you are bringing carry-ons. Some airlines don't allow them for take off and landing, but they are wonderful for getting on the flight and for the duration of the flight as well. We use this one and we love it!

Click HERE if you're interested in this Evenflo Breathe Soft Carrier!

3) Try to plan their naptimes for during the flight if possible. Our babies are on a tight schedule, but the schedule can be adjusted for times like these. If you can, try to plan their naptime for during the flight. Wear them out by playing with them while you're waiting to board so that by the time the plane is in the air, they'll be knocked out. Total life saver!

4) Make sure you change both babies' diapers before getting on the plane. This is a must. There are no changing tables in the lavatories on the plane and space is extremely limited to begin with, but even more so with twins. Make sure you change their diapers right before boarding time. That way you shouldn't have any surprises on the plane (fingers crossed)!

5) Feed your babies during take off. This is also a must. Most babies that cry on planes cry because their ears hurt. The pressure as the plane ascends can hurt our ears and even more so a baby's. So make sure your babies are both swallowing something (breastmilk, formula, juice, etc) so that their ears can be cleared and you can eliminate your chances of having a fussy baby while in the air. If you're breastfeeding make sure you have a pumped bottle for the twin your husband is holding! Liquids like breastmilk or formula are allowed through security, but other things like juice or water you will probably have to buy in the airport.

6) Lastly, bring lots of toys! If your babies are like mine, they can get bored fast. Make sure you have some toys in your diaper bag that will keep them occupied. If you can, bring a quiet book or something that won't make a lot of noise just so you won't have to disturb other passengers unnecessarily.

We will be making another trip to Hawai'i this coming year and the girls will be about 14 months old, so we will have to update this again if anything changes by then! Good luck!

Five Things Moms of Multiples Don't Want To Hear.

For moms of multiples, triplets, or more - our babies are a spectacle. They draw attention wherever we go. Honestly, I love the attention! I think my girls are pretty dang adorable, and love those who tell me they're adorable too! But sometimes, there is unwanted attention. Snide comments that make me feel inadequate, defensive, or worse.

Here are some things that you should never tell a mom of multiples:

1) Please don't say, "I'm glad the twin curse that runs in my family skipped over me!" This is probably the worse one I've heard personally. Someone said it while I was pregnant with twins and it crushed me. I was ecstatic about being pregnant with twins and when I heard this, I felt like they were pitying me for having twins even though I was feeling incredibly blessed. If you do feel this way, keep it to yourself.

2) Don't say, "I don't care which is which. They're the same to me." We, as moms, know how very different our babies are. When you don't take the time to even feign interest in knowing who they are I, honestly, don't want you around them. I want them to be surrounded by people who will appreciate them as individuals and encourage their individuality.

3) Please don't tell us, "I don't know how you do it!" This is the comment I hear most often. I understand that it usually comes with the best of intentions, and is meant to be complimentary. But to me, it makes me feel inadequate. I'm struggling, just like any other mom. I don't know if I am actually "doing it." Being a mom of twins means sacrificing a lot of things other moms do for their singleton babies. I don't get to hold my babies nearly as much since there are two of them. I couldn't breastfeed them for as long as I wanted to since I stopped producing enough to feed both babies. I don't get to dress them up in expensive clothes that I can't afford two of. I spend less one-on-one time with them. Sometimes, I consider the day a success knowing they both are still alive and breathing. Please don't remind me of all the things I can't do for my two babies - all the things they may be missing out on because there are two of them.

4) Another mom of twins with older children told me that she hates when people say, "Oh you brought the TWINS!" and ignore their other children.  Again, we love the attention our adorable twins get, but it shouldn't come at the expense of our other kids. Sadly enough, this comment came from her mom. Especially coming from a grandma, these comments can really hurt the other kids. So please, just think before you speak.

5) One of the most hurtful comments I've heard is, "Are they natural?!" Yes, my twins were conceived without fertility treatments but I have a lot of other friends who have twins that did use IVF or Clomid. They shouldn't have to be reminded of all the hardships they went through to get those precious babies every time they are introduced to someone new. I was asked this by my doctor and even then I was like, Mind your own business, man. Why does it even matter? They are twins, and that is awesome.

While these are some of the things that Moms of multiples don't want to hear, here are some of things that we love hearing:

1) Oh my gosh! Your babies are adorable!

2) You're such an awesome mama! Good job!

3) Your babies make me want to have twins too!

4) You sure do make adorable babies!

5) Wow, I can't believe they were both inside you! Way to go, mama!

So next time you see a mom with twins, or triplets, or MORE (whew!) tell her one of these uplifting things and make her day!

The Breastfeeding Debate.

Breastfeeding is one of the most controversial topics for new mothers. I struggled for a long time with this debate and all the guilt associated with not breastfeeding.

I fed my girls (from the breast) for just a matter of weeks.

After getting diagnosed with my heart condition and being separated from the girls for four days shortly after their birth, they were already used to the bottle. When I would try to breastfeed them, they would scream and I'd spend an hour trying to calm them down so we could try again. When you have to do that times two it is just EXHAUSTING. I went to WIC and talked to the lactation specialist who was The Ultimate Guilt-Tripper. She told me to spend an hour with each baby (separately) in order to get them used to the breast. They were eating every two hours so that meant breastfeeding 24/7. Um, heck no.

When I told her I wanted to pump exclusively, it was like I was giving up. It's like breast milk from a bottle doesn't count or something. Anyways, I decided to pump exclusively and did successfully for about 2 months. The lasix I was given for my heart drained all the water out of me every time I took it, and subsequently "dried me up". I was supplementing with formula and the ratio of formula to breast milk kept increasing until it was mostly formula. Kurt would remind me throughout the day, "Oh baby, you need to go pump." I was exhausted, I knew pumping would give me only an ounce if that and we'd just be using formula anyways. I think I took a lot of my frustrations out on Kurt. To me, it felt like I was being forced to pump. It was a touchy topic in our marriage for a few weeks. We talked about it and decided that it was best for both the girls and I if we just stuck to formula and Kurt supported me 100%. By the time we moved to Utah when the girls were 3 1/2 months they just drank formula and have ever since.

But I have felt other moms (especially other moms of twins) express their judgement for those moms who choose to formula feed their babies. So much guilt is associated with formula. I hate it. It needs to stop.

Something needs to be understood:
- All moms want to breastfeed, but not all are able to. Deal with it. 
- After the baby is 6 months old, there are no additional health benefits to breastmilk vs. formula 
- Everyone has their own story (just like me) and we all want to choose what is best for our family
- Stop judging! Why do women antagonize other women? We're all mothers. We all want the best for our kids, right? You can choose what is best for your child, let me choose what is best for mine. Can we still be friends? 

If you are a young mother struggling with breastfeeding and are losing your sanity, don't feel obligated to continue trying to feed your baby from the breast based on guilt. Don't feel the need to explain your decision to every other mom you meet. You don't need to. This woman's post really resonated with me. She had breast cancer, had to have a double mastectomy, and people judged her because she was formula feeding. Some people still judged her even after she said why she can't breastfeed. Geez, people, LAY OFF!

If you're a husband and you see your wife struggling with breastfeeding, support her. Encourage her, but don't make her feel guilty if she wants to formula feed. She is trying her best, so don't force her. You honestly, literally have no idea what it's like.

For those people who feel uncomfortable around breastfeeding women, you need to stop your judging too.

I love this article because it promotes the idea that we need to stop referring to it as "breastfeeding" but rather just "feeding". We're not feeding a breast are we? No. We're feeding a baby. Women shouldn't need to cover up to feed their baby whether it's from a bottle or a breast. If she wants to (which I did when I breastfed) then that's great. But she doesn't need to. If you think it's sexual or something weird like that, it's because you're making it that way. Breasts are first and foremost for feeding babies. Let's remember that.

Sorry to be preaching from on top of a soapbox, but I feel that this topic is extremely prevalent among mothers. It's really sad that women put down other women in mothering their children when there are so many other things going against womanhood/motherhood already.

Lastly, to all mothers: You are great! You are wonderful, and no one knows what is best for your child except you.

Designing a Play Area for Twins.

This past weekend, as we put away the Christmas decorations, we decided to baby proof our apartment as well.  We rearranged everything and in the process, created a nice new play area for the girls. It is amazing what can be done with just a little moving of the furniture! We have a one-bedroom apartment, so space is definitely limited. However, we found a nice corner for the girls to play in and cased it in with some of their new Christmas toys!

Here is a look at what we've done:

The girls love their Christmas present from their papa and tutu! It's an activity garden!

The girls love their mirror! We bought the mirror at Walmart for just $4!! 

Aria loves the camera!

I think these girls truly love their new space! It's all their own. One thing that I feel strongly about as a mother is letting my babies play. I think with twins it's easier because the temptation to hold your baby is not as strong since there are two of them both competing for attention. Therefore, Aria & Cadence aren't held nearly as much as other babies (but they are still held A LOT, don't get me wrong). They are allowed to crawl around and explore a lot more and for that, I'm grateful. Playtime = learning time. 

If you have a "space" problem as well, try to design a play area that can keep your babies busy. A mirror at their eye level definitely draws their interest and having all of their toys be easily accessible makes for happy babies as well. We tried to close off their play area with the Activity Garden my parents bought off Amazon for their Christmas present! It is the greatest! It keeps the girls occupied for such a long time since each wall has its own activity. You can also rearrange the walls so it is enclosed but we prefer to spread it out to make it easier for both babies to use. 

Click HERE to buy the Little Tikes Activity Garden

On a side note, another small addition to our house during all the baby proofing craziness is our Instagram wall! I have been planning to put these pictures up for months now but never got around to it. It has taken on several shapes since we put it up, but this is the final product and we're happy with it!

 We are loving all the changes in our little place!

Why You Shouldn't Compare Your Twins.

So.... I need to make a confession.

I am guilty of constantly comparing my children. Comparing them to each other, comparing them to other babies their age, comparing them to other babies not their age, etc. I have been doing this to the point that it drives me CRAZY because my girls aren't walking at 6 months or haven't said "mama" yet or are still just rolling around on their backs and tummies rather than trying to get up on their hands and knees and crawl.

In the past few days I have realized something. I need to STOP.

Constantly comparing is not fair to anyone. I think because there are two of them I feel the need to try to compensate for there only being one of me by trying to push them to do things too soon. At three months when they weren't rolling over, I would push them onto their sides and hope that they rolled the other half. I met a lady on a Facebook group called "Utah Valley Moms of Multiples" who has 7 month old twin girls who are both already walking with the assistance of those little toy shopping carts! When I learned that, I thought Oh my gosh, Aria & Cadence have so much to catch up on!!!

But as I've thought more and more about it, they are so ahead in other aspects of their lives. They are only 6 months old and are both getting 2 teeth on top which brings their tooth count to a grand total of 4 for each of them. They are eating solids like champs and have eaten a variety of things from pears to guava to squash and even mango while other older babies we know are still exclusively on formula or breastmilk. And finally, they sleep for eleven hours straight each night which is one of my very favorite things.

If I compared all the things Aria & Cadence are still working on to all the awesome things other babies can do, then they'll never measure up. But considering all the SUPER awesome things they can do, they really do exceed the bar.

I love these girls so much and am so proud of them.

They are growing and learning at their own pace and that's good enough for me.

Being A Stay At Home Mom.

So, I've held this title of "Stay-At-Home Mom" for a little over six months now, and how do I feel about it?

It is truly the best job I've ever had!

I have always grown up knowing that when I had children I was going to stay at home with them just like my mom was able to do for me and my siblings. It made the most sense to me. I am able to do everything with my sweet daughters that I've always wanted to: sing to them, read to them, take them to the park, take them to the library, learn with them, play with them. It is SUCH a privilege for me to do all of these things. I know that there are a lot of single parents who don't have this luxury and my heart goes out to them. I am just so grateful that I have this time with my babies so that I can watch them grow and be there for every single step in their lives.

Today, for example, both Aria and Cadence were able to sit for a long time on their own without tipping over! Sounds trivial, but I was there to see it and Kurt (who is at work and school for most of the day) wasn't. It is so amazing to experience these moments as they happen and I am just sad that Kurt can't do that all the time.

Don't get me wrong, the job isn't all ups. It has its occasional downs - like two babies screaming at the top of their lungs in unison while you make bottles. Or two babies screaming at the top of their lungs while you are driving on the freeway and have no time to pull over and stick their pacifiers back in. Everything is more overwhelming when two babies are screaming at the same time, trust me.

But if I wasn't a Stay-At-Home Mom, I would've missed all of these wonderful moments:

Dressing the girls up for a dip in the pool in their brand-new swimsuits!

Cadence crying because the water was too cold.

Aria trying out her new exersaucer.

Playing with balloons for the first time.

Cadence trying out the new jumperoo.

Sleeping soundly for their (unheard of) four hour nap.

Trying to coax my stubborn Aria into smiling for a mommy/daughter selfie.

Wearing their gender reveal coats for the first time :) 

Nakey babies knocked out after playing so hard.

Aria getting all wrapped up in the blanket after learning how to roll.

Checking out some books at the library.

They were playing a game of who could take out each other's pacifiers first.

Cute Cadence finally smiling for a selfie with mama.

Aria having more fun with the curtain than the toys on the exersaucer.

Cadence actually bouncing in the jumperoo for the first time!

I get to do this. I don't have to. I don't need to. I get to.

And I wouldn't change a single thing.

Raising Girls.

When I was pregnant with Aria and Cadence, we received all sorts of comments and advice when it came to raising girls. The comments ranged from "you're gonna have so much fun" to "oh gosh, I'm so glad I only have sons."

We recently watched a story on the news that described why (in the long run) it is better to have girls than to have boys. The reasons for this included that girls are less likely to live at home after age 18. They are less likely to ask for financial help. They are more likely to take care of their parents in their old age, etc. The story made some interesting points, so I considered this based on my experience thus far.

I have never had any sons before, but here are some things that I can tell you about raising girls. (Take into account that my girls are only three months old)

PROS:
-They don't pee on you unexpectedly while you're changing their diaper.
-You don't have to worry about the pain of things like circumcision.
-You can dress them up in cute dresses, headbands, etc.

CONS:
-I'm not positive, but I feel that girls whine more. Even as babies. While Aria and Cadence don't cry a ton, they whine and whimper a lot.
-Because they are so easy to shop for, you are always stuck with a ton of clothes to get rid of and not a lot of money in your wallet.

I don't know which is better necessarily, but I do know that I absolutely love having girls. I'm sure that there will be SO many more things to add to these lists as they grow, and I am looking forward to finding out what those things are.

However, one thing that Kurt and I have talked about is that we hope to raise our girls to not live by the traditional stereotypes that are usually imposed. Kurt hopes to teach them how to code and learn computer languages so they can be vital in a budding technological world. We want them to love math and science... to play with Legos and Lincoln Logs while also playing with Barbies like I did. When we went to Chili's the other day, Cadence was mistaken for a boy simply because she was wearing green. I want them to be the type of girls that feel comfortable in green, in blue, and in pink or purple. I want them to feel that they can try anything... As a female wrestler myself, I don't want them to think that they can't do something simply because their gender traditionally doesn't participate in that certain activity. Ultimately, we want them to embrace themselves as girls, to love themselves and to know that they are daughters of God.

Why Having Twins Isn't That Hard.

When people find out I am a mom to twins, they usually express pity, saying, "Oh, that's rough" or something like that. Once, when we put the babies in a stroller and walked around Target, a woman stopped me and handed me a $20 bill. Confused, I tried to hand it back to her and she said, "No, take it, I know how hard one baby is, I can't imagine two."

Don't get me wrong, that woman was right - having twins is hard. Having one baby is hard. Having two is really hard. But having twins isn't as hard as I expected, and this is why.

I expected to never get any sleep for the first five years or so. The other night, though, Aria and Cadence slept for almost nine hours! Although it isn't the norm, they sleep that long semi-frequently. We talked to the pediatrician about it and he said that in his years of practice, he's noticed that for some reason, twins usually sleep better than singleton babies.

Aria and Cadence sleeping in the swaddlers that Hilo Hospital sent us home with.

Double everything really isn't double everything. Yes, we have two bassinets and two car seats. We will have two cribs. But the girls share the same wardrobe (except for some identical outfits that were given as gifts) and they share blankets, medicine, toys and a lot more.

They are superstars and are loved wherever we go. When we take them to church they are always held by someone else. We never have to take them out into the hall or anything because someone else usually has them and wants to. I always imagined everyone turning in anger towards me during church when one of them fussed, but actually people turn to me excitedly and say, "oh, I'll take her!" We think our babies are super cute, but everyone else also seems to think they are the most adorable things ever because there's two of them!

Even during my pregnancy with twins, it was great! I got "special" treatment from doctors and have about a thousand ultrasounds of each baby. We got to see their faces multiple times before they were born. We saw them breathing, we saw them yawn, we saw their hair floating in the amniotic fluid, and more. Although these babies stretched out my belly almost to its breaking point, I loved my pregnancy.

Things that I look forward to in the future is that Aria and Cadence will be each other's playmates. My mom told me how she struggled with my older brother because she was playing trains, playing cars, talking in "baby talk" for the entire day... and she really craved adult conversation. Aria and Cadence will play with each other and I'll act more as a mediator than a playmate.

They will have to learn to share early on. Because Kurt and I will likely buy one of everything (except things like bikes or other big toys) they will be forced to share with each other. They will probably be sharing a room for most of their young life, and sharing clothes, accessories, and more.

For much of the time, Kurt and I have an equal workload. You'll find us both bottle-feeding them at 4am, both changing messy diapers, both trying to soothe screaming babies. I feel that being able to really share the work has brought us closer together and strengthened our marriage. There's no room for blame or resentment because one person is doing more than the other or feels overworked and neglected.

Overall, although having twins is hard, it is so much fun. We are never bored. They are always keeping us on our toes and we are always having a blast with them! :) I'm sure other twin moms would agree - there's no reason to pity us. I feel lucky and privileged to be a mother of twins!