I fed my girls (from the breast) for just a matter of weeks.
After getting diagnosed with my heart condition and being separated from the girls for four days shortly after their birth, they were already used to the bottle. When I would try to breastfeed them, they would scream and I'd spend an hour trying to calm them down so we could try again. When you have to do that times two it is just EXHAUSTING. I went to WIC and talked to the lactation specialist who was The Ultimate Guilt-Tripper. She told me to spend an hour with each baby (separately) in order to get them used to the breast. They were eating every two hours so that meant breastfeeding 24/7. Um, heck no.
When I told her I wanted to pump exclusively, it was like I was giving up. It's like breast milk from a bottle doesn't count or something. Anyways, I decided to pump exclusively and did successfully for about 2 months. The lasix I was given for my heart drained all the water out of me every time I took it, and subsequently "dried me up". I was supplementing with formula and the ratio of formula to breast milk kept increasing until it was mostly formula. Kurt would remind me throughout the day, "Oh baby, you need to go pump." I was exhausted, I knew pumping would give me only an ounce if that and we'd just be using formula anyways. I think I took a lot of my frustrations out on Kurt. To me, it felt like I was being forced to pump. It was a touchy topic in our marriage for a few weeks. We talked about it and decided that it was best for both the girls and I if we just stuck to formula and Kurt supported me 100%. By the time we moved to Utah when the girls were 3 1/2 months they just drank formula and have ever since.
But I have felt other moms (especially other moms of twins) express their judgement for those moms who choose to formula feed their babies. So much guilt is associated with formula. I hate it. It needs to stop.
Something needs to be understood:
- All moms want to breastfeed, but not all are able to. Deal with it.
- After the baby is 6 months old, there are no additional health benefits to breastmilk vs. formula
- Everyone has their own story (just like me) and we all want to choose what is best for our family
- Stop judging! Why do women antagonize other women? We're all mothers. We all want the best for our kids, right? You can choose what is best for your child, let me choose what is best for mine. Can we still be friends?
If you are a young mother struggling with breastfeeding and are losing your sanity, don't feel obligated to continue trying to feed your baby from the breast based on guilt. Don't feel the need to explain your decision to every other mom you meet. You don't need to. This woman's post really resonated with me. She had breast cancer, had to have a double mastectomy, and people judged her because she was formula feeding. Some people still judged her even after she said why she can't breastfeed. Geez, people, LAY OFF!
If you're a husband and you see your wife struggling with breastfeeding, support her. Encourage her, but don't make her feel guilty if she wants to formula feed. She is trying her best, so don't force her. You honestly, literally have no idea what it's like.
For those people who feel uncomfortable around breastfeeding women, you need to stop your judging too.
I love this article because it promotes the idea that we need to stop referring to it as "breastfeeding" but rather just "feeding". We're not feeding a breast are we? No. We're feeding a baby. Women shouldn't need to cover up to feed their baby whether it's from a bottle or a breast. If she wants to (which I did when I breastfed) then that's great. But she doesn't need to. If you think it's sexual or something weird like that, it's because you're making it that way. Breasts are first and foremost for feeding babies. Let's remember that.
Sorry to be preaching from on top of a soapbox, but I feel that this topic is extremely prevalent among mothers. It's really sad that women put down other women in mothering their children when there are so many other things going against womanhood/motherhood already.
Lastly, to all mothers: You are great! You are wonderful, and no one knows what is best for your child except you.
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