Being a mother is something I've aspired to become my entire life. Whenever I had to write a bucketlist of some sort, having children and being a mother was always at the top.
My plans for having children changed as I got older. I remember thinking I would probably have kids when I was in my late twenties. As I reached dating age, I decided I would have kids no earlier than age 24. Now here I am, 22, and I have two little girls that I cannot live without. Two by 22 - it wasn't in the "plan" but I am SO much happier with this than I would've been if I had followed the "plan."
I remember talking to my cousin, while I was engaged to Kurt, about my plans to have kids. Even then, we were going to wait until Kurt graduated from BYU. But as I described to her what we had in mind, she listened and then told me her thoughts. She had been married for six months already and said that she had the same idea before she married her husband. But once they were sealed in the temple, she said, she gained an "eternal perspective." This eternal perspective had her wanting kids, wanting to bring precious spirits into the world as soon as possible. I was skeptical about this, but I found myself having this same perspective when Kurt and I were sealed.
The "plan" changed. Upon my gradutation from BYU, we decided to stop preventing. We didn't do anything that would go under the category of "trying" but we had the attitude that "if it happens, it happens." When it didn't happen immediately, we were disappointed. Friends were getting pregnant after being off birth control for a month, and still nothing for me. I took my fair share of negative tests and decided to stop taking them for a while. I took my prenatals religiously, though, and that was the extent of it.
After a few more months, we started to pray daily for me to get pregnant. We loved our lives, but we felt that thing that my cousin told me about - that our eternal family was just waiting for us on the other side. I would go to work and come home with several hours to myself before Kurt finished work. In those hours alone, I felt a huge void in our home and I longed for the one thing that could fill that void.
Fast forward a few months, and here we are in August 2013. I hadn't gotten my period yet. There were many, many times where I thought I was late, took a test in the stall at the grocery store, it turned up negative and I got my period a few hours later. We decided to wait a few days so that I was at least a week late.
We took the test and a faint line appeared. Not good enough. We took the ClearBlue test and the little hour glass flashed on and off... I hadn't felt so anxious in my entire life! Finally, it gave us the answer to our prayers: PREGNANT.
We both gasped and clung to each other as we realized what this meant. He'd be a father, and I'd be... a mother. We were so incredibly happy.
Now, I am so incredibly happy to have these two lovely babies in my life.
We prayed long and hard for them, and Heavenly Father blessed us infinitely. I am so happy, proud, and humbled to be their mother. I have never felt so much joy and love as I do now. I feel as though Heavenly Father has given me a calling - to raise these girls up to be mothers themselves, to have sons and daughters of their own, and to be incredible teachers, nurturers, and supporters to them as well. I am so excited to be a mom! There is no job that I would rather have. :)
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